QUESTION
I'm having a hard time finding patience, especially when people are challenging. What advice do you have?
ANSWER
We learn when we are young that patience is a virtue. Diplomacy shows us that patience is better than strength. These are both aspirational states for a reason—because they are hard when we are challenged by a person or situation. When we are tempted to get frustrated, we need to remember that patience pays us dividends and impatience buys on credit.
Why is patience so important? Because it makes us pay attention. ― Paulo Coelho
It can be hard to be patient, compassionate and kind when we are trying to work through others during challenge and change. For example, when someone is under-performing, it's hard to be curious and understand why that may be happening—or that we might have anything to do with it. But we're human, and we fall short. We get easily irritated. We judge. We allow ourselves to get frustrated by others' shortcomings even though we show remarkable tolerance with our own.
We are imperfect people in an imperfect world. We have imperfect parents, elect to be with imperfect partners, work for imperfect bosses, and have imperfect friends. Sometimes we inherit troubles from imperfect people. Sometimes we create imperfect situations all on our own. In either case, patience helps. We have to find patience for others' shortcomings as well as our own.
For most of us, when we find ourselves under pressure, patience is hard to summon. We'd rather give in to the release that irritation or frustration offer—and we do get a release. The chemical epinephrine is rapidly produced by the adrenal gland when a person experiences frustration, anger, or other forms of stress. When we are challenged or under pressure, we want a release from that feeling. We want action—fight or flight. Something. Anything.
Patience is a quality of emotional equilibrium. The aim is to find neutrality. Neutrality is where you enjoy the highest creativity, where you see to most alternatives to reactivity. Frustration can help lead us to a helpful shift in strategy. If we find we are spending too long trying to crack a bad nut, we move on to another one. Frustration can also lead us astray and destroy persistence. Patience helps determine the best decision.
MORE THOUGHTS…
The two most powerful warriors are patience and time. — Leo Tolstoy, Russian writer
Water does not resist. Water flows. When you plunge your hand into it, all you feel is a caress. Water is not a solid wall, it will not stop you. But water always goes where it wants to go, and nothing in the end can stand against it. Water is patient. Dripping water wears away a stone. Remember you are half water. If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. Water does. ― Margaret Atwood, American author, The Penelopiad
Make your ego porous. Will is of little importance, complaining is nothing, fame is nothing. Openness, patience, receptivity, solitude is everything. ― Rainer Maria Rilke, Bohemian-Austrian poet and novelist
It is very strange that the years teach us patience - that the shorter our time, the greater our capacity for waiting. ― Elizabeth Taylor, A Wreath of Roses
REMEMBER
We know the right path is to practice patience, especially when it’s hard. Patience is a quality of emotional equilibrium and neutrality. Neutrality is where you enjoy the highest creativity, where you see to most alternatives to reactivity.
PRACTICE
When you're dealing with challenge or change, it's easy to respond negatively and much, much harder to be patient—hard, but not impossible. Think about the ways patience pays dividends and impatience buys on credit.
CONNECT
Talk to a friend or trusted colleague about the power of patience and how time plays a key role. Time can be the moment it takes to pause and reflect, or the years it takes to overcome difficulty.
REFLECT
If you keep a journal for your own development, write down your thoughts about the rewards of patience and the costs of impatience.
NEXT
To perform well while under pressure, we need to train our minds to work more effectively. Making the right decisions, whether that is hashing out how artificial intelligence will evolve or ensuring naval ships are ready on time takes practice.
Driving Results With Others: A pocket guide for learning on the job enables you with all the tools and tactics you need to make your interactions less stressful and more effective.