QUESTION

It’s easy to see what is unflattering in others, much harder to catch those qualities in ourselves.

ANSWER

Your ability to evaluate others requires context you likely do not have. Instead, focus on yourself.

You can't let praise or criticism get to you. It's a weakness to get caught up in either one. – John Wooden

It’s not shocking that we feel the need to judge people with challenging personalities. The compulsion to judge is part of being human. We want to be judge and jury, stating our pronouncements and verdicts on the actions and perceived motivations of others, while at the same time ignoring—or sometimes—hiding—our own faults. But we rarely know the whole story. We have what amounts to limited knowledge which informs our personal biases, and are ill-equipped to assess the actions of others. The act of judging, then, becomes futile.

The urge to judge, however, provides a good time to reflect. If you could turn the volume down on your last interaction, what data do you observe? What is it in particular that sets you off about this person? What, if there were no volume, could you observe on camera—is it a look? the way they tilt their head? Is it the lack of action being taken, or the impulse to take on too much?

From there, listen to your body. When the incident occurs, where do you sense it first? Does your jaw stiffen? Do you get a tight chest or back? Do you get nauseous or start to sweat?

Then, what thoughts do you have? What assumptions are you allowing to form into beliefs that say, “this person is always or never this way.”

Feelings enter about this time. Anger, frustration, irritation, sadness start to intensify.

Beware of judgment. It can often lead you astray.

MORE THOUGHTS…

If we judge ourselves only by our aspirations and everyone else only their conduct we shall soon reach a very false conclusion. – Calvin Coolidge
Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. – Eleanor Roosevelt
Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances. – Abraham Lincoln
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do. – Benjamin Franklin

REMEMBER

Judging others is futile. Judging others invites judgment on you. To the best of your ability shut down your critical thoughts.

PUTTING IT INTO PRACTICE

If you catch yourself getting judgy, slow down long enough to interrupt those critical thoughts before they hijack your decisions. Instead, focus your attention on yourself.

GETTING REAL

Talk to a friend or trusted colleague about ways to resist the righteous feeling, which can be very satisfying, to judge others.

FOR REFLECTION

If you keep a journal for your own development, write down your thoughts about the dangers and pitfalls of judging others. Instead,

Why let someone else’s bad attitude ruin your day? The Little Book Of Dealing With Challenging People enables you with all the tools and tactics you need to handle all kinds of people—to make your life less stressful and a great deal easier.