QUESTION
I don't want to be stuck. I want to keep learning and developing. How do I get out of my own way?
ANSWER
Maturity is an ongoing journey, not a final destination. This truth is something we often need to learn and relearn in multiple contexts to truly understand and integrate into our lives. Tipping back after accomplishing something big is normal. Plateauing is normal. The key is to maintain forward momentum overall.
To do so, you have to find tools and strategies that help you move forward by challenging you and moving you past your comfort zone. And, you have to be deliberate about practicing those tools and strategies your whole life. Stuckness happens when we take our practice for granted. Maturing is a process, not a state. Maturity requires a certain amount of discomfort, of varying degrees, ongoing. No mud, no lotus.
There is a tendency at every important but difficult crossroad to pretend that it’s not really there.”
– Bill McKibben, American environmentalist, author, and journalist
No mud, no lotus. It’s as simple as that. We understand this idea intellectually, but not so much in practice.
How do we gain awareness of the slight shifts in our behavior between achievement of a goal and being stuck trying to maintain it? The challenge of achievement is much, much different than the challenge of maintenance. Being stuck infers, to some degree, that we got somewhere, but we can no longer move elsewhere.
Was location the problem, do we feel like we are buried under a rock? Are resources the issue, do we not have enough to sustain our efforts? Are the conditions right, do we have the appropriate environment to nurture our growth? Are we stuck in the past, do we operate under old paradigms when things around us have shifted? Are our goals still appropriate?
Did we abandon our goals after we achieved them? Did we take our accomplishments for granted? Did we forget how hard it was to achieve? Did we watch them slowly erode?
When we feel stuck, deep in the mud, we feel restricted, hampered, hamstrung, beleaguered, depressed, myopic, frustrated, behind, out of synch, resentful, tired, angry—and any number of painful feelings. Pain builds. This happens to people as well as organizations.
When we get our cars stuck in the mud, traction is required to get us unstuck. For a big, heavy car all it takes is a bag of cat litter and some sticks. We won’t shift gears until we are sick of whatever is causing us to be stuck.
How can we focus, frame, and amplify that pain in a way that enables traction?
Focus. Start small. Find and accumulate small wins. Having plowed this ground already makes us the expert on how to avoid the landmines.
Frame. Cut through the overwhelm of pain to spot patterns in the chaos. We achieved, we tipped back. What brought us here? Along the way, where did our priorities shift? One frame to consider is: there are no dead ends. Tipping back or being stuck has taught us a valuable lesson: what is it? What will it take to have the glass half full again? How we point our views, determine our direction.
Amplify. After starting small and directing our views, we need to amplify what is working. Leaning more and more into that direction is what will help build momentum.
MORE THOUGHTS…
You should never view your challenges as a disadvantage. Instead, it's important for you to understand that your experience facing and overcoming adversity is actually one of your biggest advantages.
— Michelle Obama, American lawyer, university administrator and writer who was the first lady of the United States from 2009 to 2017.
I think we're going to the moon because it's in the nature of the human being to face challenges. It's by the nature of his deep inner soul... we're required to do these things just as salmon swim upstream.
— Neil Armstrong, American astronaut and aeronautical engineer and the first person to walk on the Moon
Optimistic people play a disproportionate role in shaping our lives. Their decisions make a difference; they are inventors, entrepreneurs, political and military leaders - not average people. They got to where they are by seeking challenges and taking risks.
— Daniel Kahneman, Israeli-American psychologist and economist notable for his work on the psychology of judgment and decision-making
REMEMBER
There are no dead ends. Tipping back or being stuck teaches valuable lessons about how to get back on track. Focusing our attention on accumulating small wins. Framing our views determine our direction. Amplifying what works increases our momentum and ultimately gets us back on track.
PRACTICE
Think back to a time you achieved a goal but later felt stuck. What behaviors tipped you back toward being stuck? What behaviors tipped your forward toward gaining traction?
CONNECT
Talk to a friend or trusted colleague about times when you needed to find traction. What was the particular traction you found? How did you focus, frame and amplify it?
REFLECT
If you keep a journal for your own development, write down some ways you have gained traction across various aspects of your life: personal and professional. What actions did you take?
To perform well while under pressure, we need to train our minds to work more effectively. Making the right decisions, whether that is hashing out how artificial intelligence will evolve or ensuring naval ships are ready on time takes practice.
Driving Results With Others: A pocket guide for learning on the job enables you with all the tools and tactics you need to make your interactions less stressful and more effective.