Photo by Unknown
QUESTION
Pressure is all around me to move in a direction I disagree with - what can I do?
ANSWER
There are times when we feel tremendous forces moving us in a particular direction, and we feel like giving in. Here, it’s time to understand which people need to be pleased and why—because it's not going to be everyone.
Can compromise be an art? Yes—but a minor art.
― Joyce Carol Oates, American writer
Compromise can be a good thing. It can lead us toward the middle ground and more creative solutions. But when compromise breaks reciprocity, when it impacts our dignity or sense of self, it can be damaging.
Sometimes we find ourselves in situations that provoke use to behave immaturely. We react hastily instead of responding with a considered solution. We make assumptions instead of lead with curiosity. Maybe a manager asks us to engage in unethical behavior by faking monthly performance numbers or asking us to betray the confidence of a colleague—all the while our reputations or promotions at risk. On these occasions, we may feel tempted to surrender to these external pressures and persuasive personalities.
But something happens when we feel ourselves starting to unravel. Our inner voice starts to speak up, alerting us to mistakes we are about to make.
Integrity is built by small actions over a lifetime, but it can be lost in a moment. That we hold something so precious within each of us means we owe it to ourselves to adopt a certain code or discipline. When we are confronted by pressure to move in a direction that compromises our ethics and values, or the team or organization’s ethics or values we’ve made integrity a habit, or practice, we don’t compromise ourselves. Period.
Instead of getting lost by the current pressures around us, we become the ballast of the group. People start turning to us for guidance. Instead of giving in to unreasonable requests, we stand our ground—and we can do that respectfully. Instead of tuning out our conscience when a manager oversteps the line, how can we tune into it and help them succeed?
Easy to say, hard to practice. It is not easy to take a stand, especially when the stakes are high. Knowing ourselves enough to know what works for us and what doesn’t, and integrating those things into our daily practices is what helps us recognize unhealthy compromise when it comes knocking.
MORE THOUGHTS…
You know you're in a bureaucracy when a hundred people who think 'A' get together and compromise on 'B'. — Scott Adams, American cartoonist and author
Compromises have this recommendation, that if you concede anything, you have something conceded to you in return. — Henry Clay, American attorney and statesman
Every human relationship implies compromises, but the limit to any compromise is one's own dignity. — Fausto Cercignani, Italian scholar, essayist and poet
REMEMBER
It is not easy to take a stand, especially when the stakes are high. Knowing ourselves enough to know what works for us and what doesn’t, and integrating those things into our daily practices is what helps us recognize unhealthy compromise when it comes knocking.
PRACTICE
Frame the compromise. Take a moment to define your position (for yourself, first). Observe your thoughts. Recognize negative self-talk, or where you feel you have to go along to get along. Understand what points you will and won't shift in order to understand and meet the other person and their needs. Then find the courage to take a stand.
CONNECT
Talk to a friend or trusted colleague about which is more important: integrity or popularity. Discuss possible costs of compromising your integrity for short-term gain or a few moments of being considered "in."
REFLECT
If you keep a journal for your own development, write your thoughts about the importance of learning what your position is on a particular issue, and taking a stand.
NEXT
To perform well while under pressure, we need to train our minds to work more effectively. Making the right decisions, whether that is hashing out how artificial intelligence will evolve or ensuring naval ships are ready on time takes practice.
Driving Results With Others: A pocket guide for learning on the job enables you with all the tools and tactics you need to make your interactions less stressful and more effective.