QUESTION
Sometimes challenging people attack my sense of self-worth. What can I do about that?
ANSWER
Our ego is fragile. When we feel a reaction that might be disproportional to a particular incident, it’s time to go inward and check it out. Remember, “when in doubt, check it out” from other posts—this applies to us too! We need to make sure our sense of pride isn’t interfering with our ability to communicate and accept feedback, however its given.
Complaining is one of the ego’s favorite strategies for strengthening itself. — Eckhart Tolle
People with challenging personalities get us to react to them by threatening our Ego. When we are belittled in some way—real or imagined—we feel destabilized. Vulnerable, our natural instinct is to strike back or lash out. This is one reason, but not the only reason, that it’s dangerous for our Ego to be in the driver’s seat.
If we go within ourselves and take a moment to reflect, we see the perils of pride and Ego. Time after time, we are warned that “pride comes before a fall.” But we don’t always see our Ego directing our actions. It can be subtle. We mistake self-confidence, self-respect, or self-assuredness—all wonderful qualities—as long as they are in check. Unchecked, qualities meant to bolster us hold us back.
When we feel attacked by a challenging person, and our sense of self is at risk, we can stand up for ourselves without resorting to anger. Just because the other person is flailing doesn’t mean we have to as well.
MORE THOUGHTS…
More the knowledge, lesser the ego. Lesser the knowledge, more the ego.— Albert Einstein
The moment you become aware of the ego in you, it is strictly no longer the ego but just an old, conditioned mind patter. Ego implies unawareness. Awareness and ego cannot coexist. — Eckhart Tolle
Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us. ― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
We are rarely proud when we are alone. ― Voltaire
REMEMBER
You are equipped with everything you need to succeed, even if you haven’t been specifically trained for your job. When you feel attacked, check yourself for a response before a reaction.
PUTTING IT INTO PRACTICE
Think about times when your actions were motivated by pride or you were driven by Ego. Now think of better ways to react in the future. What could you have done differently?
GETTING REAL
Talk to a friend or trusted colleague about the dangers of pride or being driven by Ego; how it can hurt you and how it can hurt others.
FOR REFLECTION
If you keep a journal for your own development, write down your thoughts about the dangers and drawbacks of being driven by Ego, or operating from a pride.
Why let someone else’s bad attitude ruin your day? The Little Book Of Dealing With Challenging People enables you with all the tools and tactics you need to handle all kinds of people—to make your life less stressful and a great deal easier.