Self-Regulation 101
Image Credit: from Center for Brooklyn History
“Don't be distracted by emotions like anger, envy, resentment. These just zap energy and waste time.“
On September 18, 2020, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg died at the age of 87 due to complications from metastatic pancreatic cancer. And although the Notorious RBG — as she had endearingly become known — is no longer here, her inspiring work and words remain.
As a litigator, Ginsburg brought cases before the Court that transformed its view of gender issues. The irony in her reputation for reserve is that she fundamentally didn’t believe that large-scale social change should come from the courts.
I had great fortune in my life to be alive and have the skills of a lawyer when the women’s movement was revived in the United States. And I think my attitude, my aspirations have not changed since the ’70s. My hope for our society is that we’re gonna use the talents of all of the people and not just half of them.
SELF-REGULATION 101
Self-regulation is the ability to regulate one's emotions, thoughts, and behaviors effectively in different situations.
Self-regulation is the second of the three key areas of personal skills that make up Emotional Intelligence. Self-regulation is concerned with how we control and manage ourselves and our emotions, inner resources, and abilities. It also includes our ability to manage our impulses. Self-regulation also includes an element of taking responsibility for our own actions and ensuring that what we do matches our personal values.
The ability to manage ourselves under stress is a necessary skill for workers in the 21st century. Father of business theory Peter Drucker noted, “given the increased longevity of humans and the increasingly insecure employment situation, we must be aware of what our values and strengths are, what they can contribute, and how they can improve our performance.”
While integral to our success, self-management is not a part of our educational system. Nobody teaches us how to manage ourselves, how to stay calm under pressure while we are expected to perform with mastery. We learn this skill intuitively, through trial and error.
So what can you do to improve our self-management skills?
THE PRACTICE
Part I: Identify three phases of awareness.
Initial awareness is gained through reflection after an incident occurs. If we understand what the gap in our behavior is and know what it should be we have a shot at catching ourselves in the act the next time. (we started here)
When we successfully catch ourselves in the moment we get just enough time to make a different choice.
When we catch ourselves enough times, we can spot a trigger coming rather than having it blindside us into rash reactivity. Seeing a trigger coming gives us even more time to choose a different reaction.
PART II: Observe our Mind, Body, and Brain defenses and warning signals.
Explore your senses. How did you feel it in your body? Did you have sweaty hands, a tight neck, nausea, or some other physical sensation?
Identify the emotion. What feeling did you have right at the moment? Pick a feeling from the feeling wheel.
Observe your thoughts. Typically, this is where most of us start to listen to our voices as truth and react. But this is a time to observe and take note. How fast are your thoughts coming? What thoughts are you having? Are they accurate and fact-based, or are you operating off of assumptions?
PART III: Reflect
What areas of your life present the greatest difficulty in gaining and maintaining self-regulation?
Describe two or three encounters in which you have seen emotions hinder clear thinking.
Self-management requires us to slow down our reactivity toward a more measured response. From there, we can contemplate a more informed choice.
THE COMMITMENT
[ ] I commit to a practice of self-regulation by taking time to reflect and scrutinize incidents where I reacted instead of responded. I do this to consider alternatives and change my decision-making patterns.
FURTHER READING
My Own Words: The first book from Ruth Bader Ginsburg since becoming a Supreme Court Justice in 1993 - a selection of writings and speeches by Justice Ginsburg on wide-ranging topics, including gender equality, the workways of the Supreme Court, being Jewish, law and lawyers in opera, and the value of looking beyond US shores when interpreting the US Constitution. Witty, engaging, and truly missed. Read also Atlantic article.
Notorious R.B.G.: Written by the attorney founder of the Notorious RBG Tumblr and an award-winning feminist journalist. It is equal parts love letter, scrapbook, and biography. The work draws on intimate access to Ginsburg's family members, close friends, colleagues, and clerks, as well as an interview with the Justice herself. An original hybrid of reported narrative, annotated dissents, rare archival photos and documents, and illustrations, the book tells a never-before-told story of an unusual and transformative woman who transcended divides and changed the world.
The R.B.G. Workout Book: A fun, fully illustrated exercise book that details Ruth Bader Ginsburg's workout, written by her trainer, Bryant Johnson. Ruth referred to him as “the most important person” in her life. From planks to squats to (full) push-ups, this simple but challenging workout—illustrated with four-color illustrations of the justice in workout gear—is a fun message for getting git. Most importantly, and not really emphasized, it shows the simplicity and discipline of daily habits.
IN HER WORDS…
“Fight for the things that you care about. But do it in a way that will lead others to join you.”
"Real change, enduring change, happens one step at a time."
“So often in life, things that you regard as an impediment turn out to be great, good fortune.”
"Don't be distracted by emotions like anger, envy, resentment. These just zap energy and waste time."
“I ask no favor for my sex. All I ask of our brethren is that they take their feet off our necks.”
“I don’t say women’s rights—I say the constitutional principle of the equal citizenship stature of men and women.”
"Women belong in all places where decisions are being made. It shouldn't be that women are the exception."
“Women's rights are an essential part of the overall human rights agenda, trained on the equal dignity and ability to live in freedom all people should enjoy."
“People ask me sometimes… ‘When will there be enough women on the court?’ And my answer is: ‘When there are nine.’”
“Feminism [is the] notion that we should each be free to develop our own talents and not be held back by manmade barriers.”
“My mother told me to be a lady. And for her, that meant be your own person, be independent."
“Every now and then it helps to be a little deaf...That advice has stood me in good stead. Not simply in dealing with my marriage, but in dealing with my colleagues.”
On how she would like to be remembered:
"I would like to be remembered as someone who used whatever talent she had to do her work to the very best of her ability."
Resources:
Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence
Peter Drucker, Managing Oneself
Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey Immunity to Change