QUESTION
When I see a lot of decisions I disagree with, I’m tempted to complain and gripe about people who challenge me (especially when I think I’m right). I know this doesn’t serve me, but how can I change my thinking?
ANSWER
Perpetual complaining is a bad habit. And, it’s contagious.—misery loves company. You start and others get on board, sometimes just to be part of the group. So watch yourself the next time you feel like complaining about something you disagree with. Are you building a coalition to unconstructively bring someone down?Try instead to constructively seek middle ground toward a solution.
I probably spend more on food than a lot of people, and I feel good about the whole food chain I'm supporting when I'm doing it. But even I have to remind myself. I'm always complaining about the prices at the farmer's market. — Michael Pollan
Most of us are pretty darn lucky. Yet we still, somehow, find ways to complain. Complaining is, of course, short-sighted. It also presents a self-made roadblock toward our goals. But in our weakest moments, we still grumble, whine, and moan about challenging people or situations that confront us.
Changing your mindset from a can’t-happen, never-going-to-happen, shouldn’t-happen…to someone more grateful or creative takes practice.
Be a doer and not a taker. Think about how you want to contribute, create, and evolve ideas.
Take in the variety of talent around you. Of all the people who perform well and do it in a unique way, select a role model with a personality type similar to yours. There are parts of your make up that are genetically hard-wired and parts that you can change. Reflect on them and learn the difference. Any moment dwelling on the unchangeable is a moment wasted.
Observe, monitor, and limit your negativity. Seeing things as they should be is a good quality, but overused can be detrimental to progress—your own and everyone else’s. This doesn’t mean you can never have another negative thought or that negative thoughts never serve you. It is about avoiding a pattern of thinking that contributes to a holding back progress.
MORE THOUGHTS…
What we need to do is always lean into the future; when the world changes around you and when it changes against you - what used to be a tail wind is now a head wind - you have to lean into that and figure out what to do because complaining isn't a strategy. — Jeff Bezos
Discontent, blaming, complaining, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make. — Eckhart Tolle
You could write a song about some kind of emotional problem you are having, but it would not be a good song, in my eyes, until it went through a period of sensitivity to a moment of clarity. Without that moment of clarity to contribute to the song, it's just complaining. — Joni Mitchell
Be grateful for what you have and stop complaining - it bores everybody else, does you no good, and doesn't solve any problems. — Zig Ziglar
REMEMBER
Understanding first how lucky you are, to live where you live, work where you work, and have the problems to solve that you do, helps mitigate the initial urge to complain. From there, seeing a path toward a better outcome, a path toward insight can help you cultivate your critical thinking skills, rather than indulge your itch to complain. Complaining adds nothing but volume.
PUTTING IT INTO PRACTICE
Try to keep track of the times when you complain, either to someone else or to yourself. Is it a person, place, topic, time, or another issue that sets you off? While you’re at it, take note of the times you feel grateful. Do you spend more time on one or the other?
GETTING REAL
Talk to a friend or trusted colleague about the emotional costs of complaining. If you complain more than you wish you did, talk about ways that you can shut your personal complaint factory for good.
FOR REFLECTION
If you keep a journal for your own development, list the ways you can complain less and do more.
NEXT
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