COMPOSURE 101
Image Credit: Victoria Will/Invision/AP photo
Most of us have everything we need to get through a crisis; we just have to tap into it.
Anita Hill (1956—) is an American lawyer and academic. She is a university professor of social policy, law, and women's studies at Brandeis University and a faculty member of the university's Heller School for Social Policy and Management.
In 1991, President George H. W. Bush nominated Clarence Thomas, to succeed retiring Associate Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall. Senate hearings on his confirmation were initially completed with Thomas's good character being presented as a primary qualification for the high court because he had only been a judge for slightly more than one year. His confirmation seemed assured until a report of a private interview of Hill by the FBI was leaked to the press. Hill made history when she testified before Congress about her experience.
With the advent of the #MeToo movement, she has been speaking out again. She most recently made news when she criticized presidential candidate and former Vice President Joe Biden for his handling of the Thomas hearings.
She had to assemble the details of what happened. She had to leave a job she loved, to move on with her life. She did what most women don't dare to do--she made a scene, just by being herself.
Watch the full conversation: Anita Hill at the New Rules Summit.Credit...Credit Video by The New York Times Conferences
COMPOSURE 101
Being ourselves and at ease, in any set of circumstances. Not being in conflict with ourselves.
Most people think of composure as being calm. The image of the serenity of the duck above water versus the commotion underwater is often used to describe composure, and I don't entirely agree with this image.
Composure, to me, is "just being yourself." When we are composed, we are not acting, faking, or pretending. We are not trying to be something we are not. We are not trying to live up to someone else's expectations or definition of happiness or success. We do no go along to get along. We are not trying to impress others or avoid feeling like a fraud. We are not "posing." When we are being who we really are, we have a higher chance of functioning nearer to our truest level of competency.
Imagine if we were a first-level manager invited to speak at an all-hands meeting. We might adjust our outward appearance and behavior to fit the social constructs of the event, but with composure, we are not contorting ourselves or changing who we really are.
Composure keeps us honest with ourselves. It depends upon the primary components of self-regulation and confidence. Someone who is composed is quietly in control at all times because they are confident in their abilities. Confidence comes through preparation, and the discipline of self-regulation usually results in composure—across a wide variety of circumstances.
I get asked by clients, "Aren't these difficult qualities to achieve?"
Yes, and they are even harder to maintain—and they should be. These are good qualities to have, and good qualities should be challenging to achieve. Being difficult makes achieving them all the more worthwhile. Consider the example of a startup committed to gender pay equality. To show how they live their values, they commit to closing the pay gap—which they achieve. The following year they slipped from first place. Their practices had not changed. They had, however, made a small acquisition where pay equity was not examined. In bringing the new company into the fold, they had failed to incorporate the new company into the larger company's value system and standard practices. Falling ratings of a measure they genuinely cared about turned into an essential reminder that values need to be lived every day, in every decision. In other words, holding ourselves accountable to being who we are takes constant work.
How do we increase our composure? How do we acquire qualities that are hard to attain and sometimes even more challenging to maintain?
We develop them by being industrious; enthusiastic; cooperative; committed to developing others as we are to ourselves; self-regulated; aware and observant; having initiative and not being afraid to fail while realizing that we are imperfect and we will sometimes fail; by being determined to reach realistic goals and by being competitive in whatever we're doing; by being in the best possible condition for whatever we're doing; by being skilled and being able to execute not only correctly but quickly; and, contributing to a cohesive group by considering others.
In other words, if we do the work of making good on our commitments, we'll likely have composure.
PRACTICE
To answer the following questions, rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 by circling the number that best fits you.
Do you usually prepare, or wing it?
Prepare Wing it
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10
Do you usually have your emotions under control?
Prepare Wing it
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10
When it comes to your spiritual connection, however you cultivate it, are you a poser?
Prepare Wing it
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10
Based on the self-evaluation, what do you need to work on most?
COMMIT
[ ] I commit to continuing to pursue excellence in the qualities that will produce composure in all aspects of my life.
FURTHER READING/ WATCHING
Anita: (documentary) A timely documentary on the Justice Thomas judicial hearing where Anita Hill was a witness who relates her experience. The film really introduces Anita Hill as a person and shows how, even though Thomas is still sitting on the S. Court, she was victorious. His time on the court will end, but her legacy will live forever in the cultural shift her courage fostered. The film proves the adage that it is more important to lose a battle but win a war. The documentary was produced by Barbara Lee (Congresswoman Lee of CA). I believed Anita Hill in 1991 and I believe her still and this film reminds us of the senators who held that hearing and yet still confirmed Thomas, some of whom still hold public office—should be voted out.
Speaking Truth To Power: Twenty-six years before the #metoo movement, Anita Hill sparked a national conversation about sexual harassment in the workplace. After her astonishing testimony in the Clarence Thomas hearings, Anita Hill ceased to be a private citizen and became a public figure at the white-hot center of an intense national debate on how men and women relate to each other in the workplace. That debate led to ground-breaking court decisions and major shifts in corporate policies that have had a profound effect on our lives--and on Anita Hill's life. Now, with remarkable insight and total candor, Anita Hill reflects on events before, during, and after the hearings, offering for the first time a complete account that sheds startling new light on this watershed event. This vitally important work allows us to understand why Anita Hill did what she did, and thereby brings resolution to one of the most controversial episodes in our nation's history.
Why Women Are Blamed For Everything: Exploring the Victim-Blaming of Women Subjected to Violence and Trauma: Basic reflection on the topic of victim-blaming of women. Explores what causes us to blame women who have been abused, raped, trafficked, assaulted, or harassed by men. Shines a light on potential reasons we are uncomfortable with placing all of the blame on perpetrators for their crimes against women. Based on three years of doctoral research and ten years of practice with women and girls, Dr Jessica Taylor explores the many reasons we blame women for male violence committed against them. Written in her unique style and backed up by decades of evidence, this book exposes the powerful forces in society and individual psychology which compel us to blame women subjected to male violence.
In her words…
“Most of us have everything we need to get through a crisis; we just have to tap into it.”
“Role models matter.”
“I am hopeful that others who have suffered sexual harassment will not become discouraged by my experience, but instead will find the strength to speak out about this serious problem.”
“It would have been more comfortable to remain silent.”
“Well, of course, it was a very trying time for me, and fortunately I had a lot of people who were supportive. A lot of people who were writing and calling and saying they were praying for me. Some people sent me Scripture, and that helped.”
“When I think of what has happened in a larger sense, beyond myself, then I would not change anything.”
“We've got to understand that all disenfranchised people have something in common...The pursuit of justice really is about equality for everyone.”
“You can’t always expect a certain result, but you can expect to do your best.”
“I did what my conscience told me to do, and you can’t fail if you do that.”
“I found my voice in 1991. Having found it, I won’t lose it again.”—Anita
“If we celebrate Martin Luter King, think about what he showed us be leading by example: that dignity and courage were more effective tools than bullying in making positive change for this country.”
“Women who accuse men, particularly powerful men, of harassment are often confronted with the reality of the men’s sense that they are more important than women, as a group.” —Speaking Truth To Power
What we don’t see on the resumes we review or the job descriptions we want is the litany of emotional entanglements we bring to our roles, uninvited, to the team and organizations we work in. Alongside technical skills, people who can master a range of subjective skills are better able to influence, deal with ambiguity, bounce back from setbacks, think creatively, and manage themselves in the presence of setbacks. In short, those who learn lead.
Observing subjective qualities in others past and present gives us a mental picture for the behaviors we want to practice. Each figure illustrates a quality researched from The Look to Craftsmen Project. When practiced as part of our day-to-day, these qualities will help us develop our mastery in our lives and work.
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