Photo Credit: Jimmy Chin (via National Geographic)
Being ourselves and at ease, in any set of circumstances. Not being in conflict with ourselves.
Composure and confidence are the byproducts of all of the other qualities (practice, commitment, bonding, determination, et al.) in place. We can't have either if we don't have all the others.
Most people think of composure as being calm. The image of the serenity of the duck above water versus the commotion underwater is often used to describe composure, and I don't entirely agree with this image.
Composure, to me, is "just being you." When we are composed, we are not acting, faking, or pretending. We are not trying to be something we are not, nor are we trying to live up to someone else's expectations or definition of happiness or success. We are not trying to impress others or avoid feeling like a fraud. We are not "posing." When we are being who we really are, we have a higher chance of functioning nearer to our truest level of competency.
Imagine if we were a first-level manager invited to speak at an all-hands meeting. We might adjust our outward appearance and behavior to fit the social constructs of the event, but with composure, we are not contorting ourselves or changing who we really are.
Composure keeps us honest with ourselves. It depends upon the primary components of self-regulation and confidence. Someone who is composed is quietly in control at all times because they are confident in their abilities. Confidence comes through preparation, and the discipline of self-regulation usually results in composure—across a wide variety of circumstances.
I get asked by clients, "Aren't these difficult qualities to achieve?"
Yes, and they are even harder to maintain—and they should be. These are good qualities to have, and good qualities should be challenging to achieve. Being difficult makes achieving them all the more worthwhile. Consider the example of a startup committed to gender equality. To show how they lived their values, they committed to closing the pay gap—which they achieved. The following year they had fallen several positions from first place. Their practices had not changed. They had, however, made a small acquisition where that was not the standard. In bringing the new company into the fold, they had failed to incorporate them into the larger company's value system and standard practices. Falling ratings of a measure they genuinely cared about turned into an essential reminder that values need to be lived every day, in every decision.
An example of an individual who strives to embody many of these qualities is Alex Honnold, the first man to free solo El Capitan. In 2017 Alex made a historic first ascent of the near-vertical 3,000ft El Capitan wall in Yosemite National Park - without any ropes. A documentary tracks his ascent. The cameras follow him on what amounts to a false start. About a quarter of the way up, he “cheated on a step” and decided to call off the climb. In a sport where missing a single step could cost one’s life, that was probably the right call. Alex describes composure this way, “I think one of the pleasures of soloing is the feeling of being completely safe in a situation that should be totally unsafe; to be in a position that seems totally outrageous and yet feels totally comfortable.” Being who you are, wherever you are, even if that is hanging off of a cliff.
Digging deeper, Alex’s decision to call off the climb has everything to do with how his values influence his decision making and, ultimately, his ability to achieve his goal. Others before him made attempts, accepting their “cheats” as near misses instead of early warning signals to perfect their skills, and died in their pursuits. While not every decision we make is life or death, there are consequences to consider what sort of contribution to the team we want to make.
How do we acquire qualities that are hard to attain and sometimes even more challenging to maintain? We develop them by being industrious; enthusiastic; cooperative; committed to developing others as we are to ourselves; self-regulated; aware and observant; having initiative and not being afraid to fail while realizing that we are imperfect and we will sometimes fail; by being determined to reach realistic goals and by being competitive in whatever we're doing; by being in the best possible condition for whatever we're doing; by being skilled and being able to execute not only correctly but quickly; and, contributing to a cohesive group by considering others.
In other words, if we do the work of making good on our commitments, we'll likely have composure.
PRACTICE
To answer the following questions, rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 by circling the number that best fits you.
Do you usually prepare, or wing it?
Prepare Wing it
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10
Do you usually have your emotions under control?
Prepare Wing it
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10
When it comes to your spiritual connection, however you cultivate it, are you a poser?
Prepare Wing it
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10
Based on the self-evaluation, what do you need to work on most?
COMMIT
[ ] I commit to continuing to pursue excellence in the qualities that will produce composure in all aspects of my life.
Alongside technical skills, people who can master a range of subjective skills are better able to influence, deal with ambiguity, bounce back from setbacks, think creatively, and manage themselves successfully in their pursuit of mastery. Learn more about applying craft skills in the modern world.