When it comes to the person you are or the work you do, you have two witnesses to contend with: others and yourself. You are the principal witness of your own life.The voice of the "other" is powerful because we have been told to listen to it above our own voice for so long. We are told what to do in school. We are told how to achieve in our careers, and from there what skills we need to learn, when we will get promoted, when we can take vacations, etc. Yet, we are told to "take charge of our lives."Craftsmen know the importance of accurate self-evaluation. They know that of the two perspectives, it matters most what they think of themselves, their work, and their own sense of progress.Between others' opinions and my own thoughts, I know best what is going on. I have to continue working on perceiving myself with compassion but also not allowing self-deception./This post-series is about trying to anchor my experience by exploring within and reminding myself about what it means to practice “good humaning.” It’s about moving forward imperfectly. To follow this thread in my posts, look for these tags: #NotesFromMyYogaJournal
Photo by Nicolas Picard
Good Humaning: There are no dead ends.
All threads from my Life Path lead to where I am now, and the work I’m focused on now. There are no dead ends, no dangling threads.
If everything I have learned and experienced is in service of the work I do, then why do I feel shame in the unfinished? the incomplete?
Ego drives shame, disappointment, and frustration. Learning to let go is one of the hardest lessons with which I reason, frequently. Ego lets feelings get in the way of feel.
In the moments I reframe dead ends as being in service of where I am today, I soften. I relax. I experience happiness. I am closer to getting a feel for what it is I should be doing.
..and it’s infectious.
/This post-series is about trying to anchor my experience by exploring within and reminding myself about what it means to practice “good humaning.” It’s about moving forward imperfectly. To follow this thread in my posts, look for these tags: #NotesFromMyYogaJournal
Photo by Elijah O’Donnell
Good Humaning: Grace under pressure means...
When I'm overwhelmed, I need to eject my consciousness. How I think, particularly under pressure, matters. Too often, feelings create an unnecessary distraction from developing a feel for my work.When I'm...
behind on rebuilding my blog
behind on writing articles to get published
overwhelmed by my website and its needs
underwater with my publishing projects
strategizing new ways to increase my business
and I want to do them all at the same time, of course, I need to hone in on my core strengths:
Determination. Learn what to let go of--and it's likely my anxiety. The more concrete it feels, the less real it is.
Familiarization. Practice the opening and letting go of my mind all the time so that I integrate the idea that all things pass, all things come to a natural end.
Plant seeds. Know that I have the innate ability to let go of my anxiety and feel compassion for myself and others.
Tend weeds. Realize that the identity I form with self-reproach and anxiety limits my perspective, and to not succumb to the desire of keeping it from falling apart. Trying to "keep it all together" wasn't working.
Aspiration. When things fall apart, when situations find their natural ending, when on the cusp of a new chapter--position myself to be with those who can teach me the most so that I can do my best service.
This is the only way I can process feelings in my work so that I can get back to developing a feel for it./This post-series is about trying to anchor my experience by exploring within and reminding myself about what it means to practice "good humaning." It's about moving forward imperfectly. To follow this thread in my posts, look for these tags: #NotesFromMyYogaJournal
Do not go gentle into that good night
Sharing a poem to inspire creativity and connection with the work you are engaged in. Engagement with the work we choose to labor over is our own individual responsibility.
It is up to each of us to find the singular world problem we want to dedicate our lives to--and it is a privilege.
“Poetry can break open locked chambers of possibility, restore numbed zones to feeling, recharge desire,” Adrienne Rich wrote in contemplating what poetry does. “Insofar as poetry has a social function it is to awaken sleepers by other means than shock,” Denise Levertov asserted in her piercing statement on poetics. Few poems furnish such a wakeful breaking open of possibility more powerfully than “Do not go gentle into that good night” — a rapturous ode to the unassailable tenacity of the human spirit by the Welsh poet Dylan Thomas (October 27, 1914–November 9, 1953). --via BrainPickings
The Pulitzer-winning Irish poet and New Yorker poetry editor Paul Muldoon writes in the 2010 edition of The Collected Poems of Dylan Thomas:
Dylan Thomas is that rare thing, a poet who has it in him to allow us, particularly those of us who are coming to poetry for the first time, to believe that poetry might not only be vital in itself but also of some value to us in our day-to-day lives. It’s no accident, surely, that Dylan Thomas’s “Do not go gentle into that good night” is a poem which is read at two out of every three funerals. We respond to the sense in that poem, as in so many others, that the verse engine is so turbocharged and the fuel of such high octane that there’s a distinct likelihood of the equivalent of vertical liftoff. Dylan Thomas’s poems allow us to believe that we may be transported, and that belief is itself transporting.
In this rare recording, Thomas himself brings his masterpiece to life:
[embed]https://youtu.be/g2cgcx-GJTQ[/embed]
Do not go gentle into that good night
Dylan Thomas, 1914 - 1953
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Photo by Jean-Guy Nakars
Good Humaning: Change your attitude, aim for neutral
When you are caught up — in anything — you’ve made the situation about you. You are behind. You are misunderstood. You are snagged by something. Reversing this ego-forward state helps you regain neutrality.
I work a lot with my clients, as well as myself, on the idea of remaining neutral within. Being neutral releases me from the prison of comparison, tussles of misunderstanding, and the harshness assumptions invite into life.
Once I have perspective, most likely on my own assumptions, I can attempt a softer focus and a gentler approach–to everything. This allows me to relax.
The only way forward is through. And, it is hard.
/This post-series is about trying to anchor my experience by exploring within and reminding myself about what it means to practice “good humaning.” It’s about moving forward imperfectly. To follow this thread in my posts, look for these tags: #NotesFromMyYogaJournal
Photo by Anya Smith
Good Humaning: Focus within
It’s important for me to remember not to focus on other’s work, other’s areas for development while presuming myself to be progressing.
That is sometimes hard to do when you’re on the rise, learning a craft. People live and die by review rankings, perceptions of others, and external approval.
What is important for me is to always evaluate for myself where I am in my own path and what it is that I am looking to accomplish.
Avoiding loss is an easier starting point than seeking gain.
Simon Ramo, an engineer, businessman, and author, wrote a neat little book that most people probably haven’t heard of: Extraordinary Tennis Ordinary Players.
I’m not a huge tennis follower. The reason this book is interesting to me is that Ramo highlights the difference between the Winner’s Game and a Loser’s Game adopting the lens of pro v amateur.
Some amateurs believe they are professionals but professionals never identify as amateurs. Both play by the same rules and scoring, use the same court, and sometimes even the same equipment.
The main difference?
All things being equal, professionals score points whereas amateurs lose points. It’s a professional’s game to win, and an amateur’s game to lose.
Consider a professional match. Opponents are equally matched. They play nearly a perfect game. They go back and forth until the ball is just too far out of reach. The positioning, control, spin of the ball is no accident. It’s a game of milliseconds and centimeters.
Two Games, Two Kinds of Decisions
Ramo came by his philosophy not by looking at total scores, but by focusing on points won versus points lost.
In pro tennis roughly 80 percent of the points are won; in amateur tennis, roughly 80 percent of the points are lost. These games are distinct and create the perfect foil for one another.
Since there are two discrete games, a generic strategy will not work for both games Simon devised a strategy by which ordinary players can win by losing less and letting the opponent defeat themselves.
… but you have to recognize that the game is won and lost on decisions. You have to choose to win at tennis. You have to decide to make fewer mistakes v simply enjoying yourself. That means you play a tighter, more conservative game. Keeping to solid basics, you give your opponent a lot of space in which to make as many mistakes as possible because he, being an amateur will play a losing game and not know it.
If you’re an amateur your focus should be on avoiding making bad decisions.
Play Your Own Game
Warren Buffett and Ben Graham gathered a group of people called the “Buffett Group.” At one such meeting Benjamin Graham, Warren Buffett’s mentor and teacher, gave them all a quiz. The reference comes from Benjamin Graham on Value Investing: Lessons from the Dean of Wall Street.
A true-false quiz where half of the answers were true and half were false. Most in the room scored less than 10 correct.
Deceptively simple, Buffett explained. “It was to illustrate a point, that the smart fellow kind of rigs the game.” In the late 60s, there was a lot of questionable accounting going on, much like today. And if you think you can find an “in” to take advantage of it, you are playing the other guy’s game, not your own.
We Are All Amateurs, All Of Us
None of us want to believe it. The engineer who looks back on a 25-year career, the CEO who has run a few companies, the founder who has a few exit stories–male, female, young, old–we are all amateurs. If we really care about what we do, we are always learning to become better.
If we identify with professionals we mistakenly think we are playing a professional game. With greater self-awareness, we need to approach the game with new eyes. Rather than trying to play a winner take all game, focusing on the win, the review, the bonus, or the payoff–we should avoid making mistakes.
We should focus on the obvious, return to and relearn the basic mechanics of good management and leadership.
This was a point Charlie Munger, the billionaire business partner of Warren Buffett, made a long time ago.
In a letter to Wesco Shareholders, where he was at the time Chairman (and found in the excellent Damn Right!: Behind the Scenes with Berkshire Hathaway Billionaire Charlie Munger), Munger writes:
Wesco continues to try more to profit from always remembering the obvious than from grasping the esoteric. … It is remarkable how much long-term advantage people like us have gotten by trying to be consistently not stupid, instead of trying to be very intelligent. There must be some wisdom in the folk saying, `It’s the strong swimmers who drown.’
I miss the Mungers, the Druckers, the Woodens–and so many other greats. In the repacking of their ideas by others decades later, the simplicity and wisdom of their message gets lost amidst the din of Tweets, 4-day workweeks, and 3-steps toward more effective meetings.
Someone needs to make that quote into a poster.
Stories of Real People: Iris Apfel, 97-Year-Old Style Icon, Has Just Signed with a Modeling Agency
People who have made it to the top of their careers are interesting to study. Precious few come back down the mountain to learn something new again. Collecting stories of real people embracing continuous learning is inspiring to me. I hope you benefit, as I do, from their example.
Iris Apfel has long proved that in the fashion industry, age is just a number—and now, she's doing the same for the world of modeling.
IMG, one of the biggest agencies in the game, announced on Thursday that it had added the 97-year-old Apfel to its roster. The company will represent Apfel for modeling, as well as appearances and endorsements.
"I’m very excited. I never had a proper agent," Apfel told WWD. "I’m a do-it-yourself girl. I never expected my life would take this turn so I never prepared for it. It all just happened so suddenly, and I thought at my tender age, I’m not going to set up offices and get involved with all kinds of things. I thought it was a flash in the pan, and it’s not going to last. Somehow, people found me. People would just call. Tommy Hilfiger said that was no way to do it, and he put us together. I’m very excited and very grateful."
It's about time that she got some proper representation, as Apfel has been racking up deals with some big clients in recent years. Per WWD, she's worked with Kate Spade, MAC, Alexis Bittar, HSN, and Le Bon Marché, among others.
Apfel hopes that her success will inspire other older women to do the same. "I don’t think a number should make any difference and make you stop working," she said. "I think retirement is a fate worse than death. I love to work, and love my work. I feel sorry for people who don’t like what they do. I do it now to the exclusion of everything else. I meet interesting, creative people, my juices flow and I really have a fine time."
Christine Haskell, PHD has built her practice working with the insanely talented and highly creative across multiple sectors. In the Stories of Real People Series, you’ll find stories of real people doing extraordinary things, shareable joy, and links to the full source material.
Photo by Nick Fewings
Good Humaning: Greatest Obstacles, First
If I gain perspective on my greatest obstacles--pride, self-critical, unfocused, and so on--and concentrate on those, first.
The trick? Doing it with clarity and compassion.
Photo by Roseanna Smith
Good Humaning: Surprises stop me in my tracks
Surprises stop me in my tracks, literally. They stop my thinking, hijack my emotions. I need to rest in that space to let my thoughts start up again.
…when I’m speaking in front of a group
…when I’m confronted by confusion, aggression, or even enthusiasm and delight
…when I learn something I didn’t know before
To remember to breathe in whatever anxiety, pain, euphoria, or excitement I might feel, thinking that others also go through this and gradually feeling what I feel and knowing what I know at that moment. In a world so focused on fleeing the moment, just modeling that, for myself and others, is a healing thing.
If I’m experiencing a “good” surprise I can send out the joy I feel, enabling others to feel it too. If it’s a “bad” surprise I can allow myself to experience sadness but reflect on how to diffuse it. Meeting squarely with surprise is an opportunity to practice patience and neutrality.