Practice self-regulation and keep emotions under control. Sound judgment and common sense are critical for higher quality decisions and distinguishing feelings from feel.

Self-regulation is the ability to keep a cool head under pressure when it counts. To perform at our best requires judgment and common sense—the first qualities to leave us when we are anxious, frustrated, sad, angry, bored, or feeling that emotionally hijacks us, removing us from the feel of our work.

Apply this idea to hitting a tennis ball. If we swing the racket full of emotion, the ball will be even farther from where we want to land it on the court than it would be if we swung it with more self-regulation. Even the pros miss shots when their emotions get the better of them.

We hinder our progress when we are not emotionally in control. Let’s look at this concept when we speak with someone we manage directly, or even a peer we need to influence. If emotion takes over, chances are we’re going to antagonize them. It’s challenging to get productive, positive results under these circumstances. We need to remember why we try to guide or influence others’ performance. We do it to help, to prevent, to correct, and to improve. We do not do it to correct, punish, or shame.

I don’t believe that punishment or shaming produces positive results consistently. We cannot give it or receive it and perform at our best reliably. I’ve seen and experienced many managers who antagonized, micro-managed, and demoralized their teams yet still appeared successful. But I maintain that they could have been better as leaders and could have had better teams if they hadn’t been punitive along the way.

Years ago, I worked for a vice president at Microsoft, who managed every detail of a particular leadership meeting. He would ask to review everyone’s presentation, sometimes moving an image or adjusting punctuation slightly as he criticized the person the entire time. He would stop by people’s offices just as they walked in, confronting them on a litany of to-do’s, resulting in everyone always feeling behind. Checking email from his own vacation and trying to contact people when they took time off, no one could get distance from him. I think I was the only person who did not cry at my desk. Having survived several leaders like this over the course of my career, I learned to know when I had tried my best to complete a task or project with the direction and context he’d given me. I learned to be at peace with myself and my performance, regardless of how it was received. I felt bad when I was in the presence of this person, but I didn’t have any reason to hang my head in shame.

To this day, I honestly feel that every time I succeeded with leaders like this, it was due to an ability to self-regulate in the presence of someone else’s discomfort. Given the pressures, leaders are under and the sheer volume of decisions they need to make daily, many of which impact our daily lives, self-regulation is an essential leadership skill. It’s important not to get too high or too low when considering the ebb and flow of the day.

PRACTICE

What areas of your life present the greatest difficulty in gaining and maintaining self-regulation?
Describe two or three encounters in which you have seen emotions hinder clear thinking.

COMMIT

[ ] I commit to maintaining a neutral equilibrium that will enable sounder judgment and better decisions.

Alongside technical skills, people who can master a range of subjective skills are better able to influence, deal with ambiguity, bounce back from setbacks, think creatively, and manage themselves successfully in their pursuit of mastery. Learn more about applying craft skills in the modern world.