Pete Carroll's Book Recommendations

 
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When I mentor folks, or even in my client work, I emphasize the context of decision making. Too often people look at the end result of someone's performance, or a flashy title--they see the external outcomes.It's an illusion. What matters is someone's internal processing. When people are looking outside of themselves for advice, common questions include:

  • Looking for guidance on how to get to the next level? Who do you look to?

  • See someone who's career or life situation looks appealing? How did they get there?

  • Want to learn a skill that someone else is good at? How did they learn what they know?

It's so important to understand their influences, beliefs, and underlying values. If you are looking at a leadership figure for advice, ask what they read. It can give you a lot of insight into how they think, what motivates them, and how they define success.

The Road to Character by David Brooks--via USAToday. The book draws upon historical figures like Dorothy Day, George Marshall, Augustine, George Eliot, and President Dwight Eisenhower to show how selfless qualities sometimes considered to be old-fashioned in today’s individualistic society can lead to a greater good. The common thread in each tale is a humbling triumph. In each path, however, there first comes rock bottom.

It has affected my language in almost everything I tell them about leadership and serving each other.

Grit by Angela Duckworth.--via The Next Big Idea Club This book is a great read for anyone interested in psychology and personal development. Grit describes what creates outstanding achievements, based on science, interviews with high achievers from various fields and the personal history of success of the author, Angela Duckworth, uncovering that achievement isn’t reserved for the talented only, but for those with passion and perseverance.

In terms of being resilient, we can find ways to instill resilience by training people to believe that they have abilities that allow them to maintain hope. The reason you bounce back is because you know you have a chance and you believe.

Coach Wooden's Pyramid of Successby John Wooden. via The News Tribune When it comes down to it, success is an equal opportunity player. Anyone can create it in his or her career, family, and beyond. Based on John Wooden's own method to victory, Coach Wooden's Pyramid of Success reveals that success is built block by block, where each block is a crucial principle contributing to lifelong achievement in every area of life. Each of these 32 daily readings takes an in-depth look at a single block of the pyramid, which when combined with the other blocks forms the structure of the pyramid of success. Join John Wooden and Jay Carty to discover the building blocks and key values--from confidence to faith--that have brought Coach to the pinnacle of success as a leader, a teacher, and a follower of God.

In the bottom-right corner as a foundation of his “Pyramid of Success” for leaders and coaches, Wooden wrote: “Enthusiasm: Brushes off upon those with whom you come in contact. You must truly enjoy what you are doing.”

The Inner Game of Tennis by W. Timothy Gallwey. via Sports IllustratedWith more than 800,000 copies sold since it was first published thirty years ago, this phenomenally successful guide has become a touchstone for hundreds of thousands of people. Not just for tennis players, or even just for athletes in general, this handbook works for anybody who wants to improve his or her performance in any activity, from playing music to getting ahead at work. W. Timothy Gallwey, a leading innovator in sports psychology, reveals how to

  • focus your mind to overcome nervousness, self-doubt, and distractions

  • find the state of “relaxed concentration” that allows you to play at your best

  • build skills by smart practice, then put it all together in match play

Whether you're a beginner or a pro, Gallwey's engaging voice, clear examples, and illuminating anecdotes will give you the tools you need to succeed. "Habits are statements about the past, and the past is gone." (page 74)

The Obstacle Is The Way by Ryan Holiday--via Sports IllustratedThe book draws its inspiration from stoicism, the ancient Greek philosophy of enduring pain or adversity with perseverance and resilience. Stoics focus on the things they can control, let go of everything else, and turn every new obstacle into an opportunity to get better, stronger, tougher. As Marcus Aurelius put it nearly 2000 years ago: “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”

Ryan Holiday shows us how some of the most successful people in history—from John D. Rockefeller to Amelia Earhart to Ulysses S. Grant to Steve Jobs—have applied stoicism to overcome difficult or even impossible situations. Their embrace of these principles ultimately mattered more than their natural intelligence, talents, or luck.

The robot lawyers are here - and they’re winning

[ from BBC ]

Image Credit: BBC

Image Credit: BBC

Amid the dire - and somewhat overhyped - predictions of occupations that will be decimated by artificial intelligence and automation, there is one crumb of comfort. Yes, lorry drivers, translators and shop assistants are all under threat from the rise of the robots, but at least the lawyers are doomed too. (Some of my best friends are lawyers, honest.)

That at least may be your conclusion when you hear about a fascinating contest that took place last month. It pitched over 100 lawyers from many of London's ritziest firms against an artificial intelligence program called Case Cruncher Alpha.

Both the humans and the AI were given the basic facts of hundreds of PPI (payment protection insurance) mis-selling cases and asked to predict whether the Financial Ombudsman would allow a claim.

In all, they submitted 775 predictions and the computer won hands down, with Case Cruncher getting an accuracy rate of 86.6%, compared with 66.3% for the lawyers.

Quite a triumph then for a tiny start-up business. For Case Cruncher is not the product of a tech giant but the brainchild of four Cambridge law students. They started out with a simple chatbot that answered legal questions - a bit of a gimmick but it caught on.


Christine Haskell, PHD has built her practice on credible, published research and data. In the Research Series, you’ll find highlights, shareable statistics, and links to the full source material.


Thought Series: The importance sustained attention

Thought Series provides actionable ideas and anchors for reflection on your life or your work.

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Photo by Nik MacMillan

Photo by Nik MacMillan

My coaching practice focuses on insanely talented and highly creative people in the tech industry. These people like tough problems, process information at a speed that makes most people’s heads whirl, and genuinely enjoy the challenges they are facing. They want to make an impact.

At the same time, I don’t get called in because things are going well. I work with this crowd when their management scores are in a nosedive, or they didn’t do as well on their review as they would have liked, or they need to work with others more effectively — to name just a few issues. I get people in transition from one level to the next, or their scope doubled (or tripled) and they are looking for a sounding board to cope. And, I get people wondering what their next chapter will entail. All of these people are in a mental space where they don’t have immediate answers for what to do and are seeking help.

One of the defining characteristics of people who succeed and those who struggle is sustained attention to the things that matter most — to them personally. Learning is a continuous journey toward horizonal goals. The ability to take stock of where you are, what the yield is of your most recent experiences, and what’s next — those things have to be intentional acts. Intentional acts require reflection. We can and must do that for ourselves, for each other, and for our employees. We have to be willing to call BS with those assessments that don’t jive with reality.

As a manager, it was frustrating to work with people that expected their bosses, coaches, parents, mentors to chart out a career path or development plan for them rather than with them. As a coach, it is frustrating to see books and training programs that promise definitive answers — because deep down in our subconscious basements, we know there aren’t any.

Results are outcomes of a process, not the other way around.

It’s not about what plan I think they should embark on. My question to them is often: What do you have planned for you? Here, I’ll share about my own journey and how the idea of sustained attention through inquiry, opportunity and preparedness helped inform my choices.

Sustained Attention Through Inquiry

What is it you are curious about? How do you nurture and cultivate that curiosity? What do you like? What have you learned? What can you do with that? You seem unhappy with your pace, what might you try to get unstuck?

Then I ask, is there something I can help you with? From there, we build.

Sustained attention through inquiry. I urge you to do this for yourself, your peers, and your employees.

All of that inquiry is what informed me that I loved to write, I loved observing people and what made them tick fascinated me. All of that sounds easy to identify and move toward now. But it wasn’t for me to identify, acknowledge and invest in when I was in a career moving in another direction. We exist in a world where we are externally defined from such a young age — by our parents, friends, schools, church, jobs, and the media. And we learn to edit creativity and dreams out of our lives as children.

For example, I knew at age 6 I wanted to be a writer. I knew I enjoyed observing and making sense of what I saw. But like many kids of my generation, the reply I got was “That’s nice, but it won’t pay the bills.” or “That’s nice, but what will your main job be?” or “We just want you to have a nice life, do you want us to worry about you?” All of these sentiments were well-meaning. My parents valued education but had a lot of parental anxiety about my ability to support myself when I talked about writing as a career. It was a valid concern. Writing jobs barely paid. My entry into the workforce coincided with a deep recession. 

My parents encouraged directions that might be more lucrative and economically sustainable. They advised to “do what made me happy” but I didn’t see them model that themselves. Their anxiety coupled with the choices they made for their own lives impacted many of the early decisions I made in my life and career.

That said, I was encouraged to be an avid reader and observer. I learned that there are grand forces of action and reaction, culture, mindset, history, human courage, human fear, and weakness — and that those forces were all at work everywhere I went. My inner researcher and writer were awakened several times during my career but due to various circumstances remained dormant for a while.

Sustained Attention to Seizing Opportunities

My love of writing and curiosity about people didn’t find a direct outlet until more recently, but I did land in several startups and in an industry that had not yet been defined. The internet as we know it did not exist and it required thinkers from every perspective: computer science, english, sociology, psychology, etc. My timing could not have been more perfect to score a seat at the table and help contribute to what it might become.

Sometimes, a clear vision of what you don’t want can be very informative — and I knew I didn’t want a job in a beige cubicle. I wanted to be part of building something new and having a hand in defining it.

Coming of age in the 90s, I rejected the flashy brands and a winner-take-all mentality of the 1980s. The safest jobs, many believed, were in established companies. Working at a startup was a real career risk because you had to explain both the company and the industry. Consulting and entrepreneurship were fraught with stigma of someone who couldn’t make it in the big leagues. To the established, they looked like an irresponsible detour but startups were a kind of counter-cultural stance. Startups weren’t incubated and supported like they are today. There wasn’t a culture of understanding around what a startup was and how volatile it could be — here one day, gone the next. Working at several startups in the beginning of your career looked like you couldn’t commit or weren’t focused (on your own success, let alone the company’s).

Startups afforded me the opportunity to take on a lot of responsibility and make an impact very early in my career. I learned to understand people’s motivations and intentions in using online consumer products. I learned what compelled people to click on the first ad banners, the value of gaining customer permission in the first on- and off-line marketing promotions, what people’s threshold was in sharing their personal data in the first online calendar, what content people really watched online on the first audio/video players, and what it takes to create a data-driven decision making organization. All of these technology roles represented career breaks which I actively created for myself and seized. And, these roles leveraged my ability to think critically, required keen observation, and demanded that I make the complex simple across multiple stakeholders. Each role was an opportunity for me to continue developing my ability to observe and communicate.

Exposure to new skills and experiences is something we can create for ourselves and for our employees. Sustained attention to finding, offering, and seizing opportunities to stretch ourselves toward new territory — those things will lead to the unexpected. I continued honing my observation skills.I don’t recall having many close friends in these early startups. These companies were not very diverse in gender or age. There was usually a female secretary to the CEO and maybe (but not usually) a VP of sales or marketing. I was usually the youngest hire and one of the few women. The same was true of my faculty and advisers from college. There were countless times I was asked, “So, are you thinking of making a career of this?”, “What do these roles amount to for you?”, “Don’t bother with grad school if you’re thinking of getting married and having kids, it’s not worth it.” Their confusion of over my ambition made it so palpable that I was being sized up for worthiness of being mentored and invested in.I know this kind of thing probably happens to men as well, but at that point in life, my backpack was feeling pretty heavy. It was at this stage I learned the importance of sustained attention to preparedness.

Sustained Attention to Preparedness

When I couldn’t find a lifeline in a boss or mentor, I created them by becoming more prepared. I shut down those confused or benignly negative comments by being the baddest bitch in whatever it was I was trying to do. Preparedness, confidence and some measure of swagger helped me win key moments and get important breaks.

There is nothing that the establishment structure loves more than to make you doubt yourself. Discrimination, exclusion, and discouragement are horrible. We don’t have enough time to talk about all the #MeToo stories I’ve been through, or heard from my colleagues and clients, and the scarring that occurs there. The gas-lighting that goes on (particularly for women in business) is corrosive and toxic because it can sap your will to try and undermines your belief in yourself. It is subtle, and it is viciously effective.

I got through my crisis of confidence in feeling unsupported in my pursuit of a career in technology through sustained attention to gaining more competence and by revisiting sustained attention to seizing opportunity and self-inquiry. I pressed people in my network for new opportunities. I sought to diversify my experience. When re-orgs threatened to specialize me in a discipline I didn’t want depth in, I raised my hand for another area of the company or found other problems to solve. Before there was so much free information available, I looked up syllabi from schools I wanted to attend and read their booklists. I asked people in grad school if I could attend classes with them to hear their lectures. I read every book I could get my hands on subjects that interested me. I went to conferences. I joined boards to increase my ability to work with different kinds of people. I took on projects that other people didn’t initially want and turned them into winning initiatives that reduced costs, increased efficiency, and broadened my scope. There are some that think emphasizing competency is a trap — that when we’re compelled to be many times better than the pack in order just to be viewed as an equal that this isn’t a good thing. All I can share about that is that it is what worked for me, in the circumstances I was in.

Higher competency gave me confidence. It increased my reputation and respect in a way that being average could not. Young, female, often alone in a group — I had a lot of stones in my backpack. Sustained attention to inquiry eventually led me to embark on graduate school where I could indulge my interest in studying human behavior and deepen my skills in writing and research. Sustained attention to opportunity led me to starting my own business. Sustained attention to competency gave me laser focus on what skills I needed to change lanes in my career.

Need to learn more about human behavior, and systems, AND want the rigor beyond working off a booklist? Go to graduate school. Learn to do your own research. Need to learn more about small business? Start showing up in the communities and forums you care about and meet people doing it already. Want to learn what’s next? Choose your tools and guides wisely. 

Yes, there were obstacles, slights, and times when the unfairness felt like it was too much. Yes, colleagues were unhelpful and prone to sabotaging and hoarding information (generally around performance calibration). Even networking acquaintances could thwart efforts by using rather than reciprocating. This dynamic made the few women that were there in my field feel like they were in competition with one another. That part, it was trying.

Bosses, especially female leaders, should walk the floors of their teams and observe how people interact. Set up feedback mechanisms for people to let you know what is happening on the team. Don’t do it because it’s the morally correct thing to do. Do it because it’s about productivity.

While the environment might not be necessarily toxic it might be lower performing. I encourage people to seek mentorship.

Shame people into helping you if you have to! Reach out for what you need! But before you do, know yourself first. Invest the time in learning how to direct your own interests before soliciting the help of others.


Christine Haskell, Ph.D. is a pragmatic researcher, coach, and consultant focused on helping busy leaders take responsibility for their learning and development. Her book Craft Your Life, sharing lessons from master craftsmen and women on personal and professional mastery, is due out late 2019. Sign up for her (semi-regular) newsletter here.

The Secret Life of Trees: Awareness & Intelligence

[ from BrainPickings ]

Summary: Trees dominate the world’s the oldest living organisms. Since the dawn of our species, they have been our silent companions, permeating our most enduring tales and never ceasing to inspire fantastical cosmogonies. Hermann Hesse called them “the most penetrating of preachers.” A forgotten seventeenth-century English gardener wrote of how they “speak to the mind, and tell us many things, and teach us many good lessons.”

Illustration by Arthur Rackham for a rare 1917 edition of the Brothers Grimm fairy tales. (Available as a print.)

Illustration by Arthur Rackham for a rare 1917 edition of the Brothers Grimm fairy tales. (Available as a print.)

But trees might be among our lushest metaphors and sensemaking frameworks for knowledge precisely because the richness of what they say is more than metaphorical — they speak a sophisticated silent language, communicating complex information via smell, taste, and electrical impulses. This fascinating secret world of signals is what German forester Peter Wohlleben explores in The Hidden Life of Trees: What They Feel, How They Communicate (public library).

This is a must-read if you love trees! Science reveals what we knew all along...trees have awareness and intelligence.



Christine Haskell, PHD has built her practice on credible, published research and data. In the Research Series, you’ll find highlights, shareable statistics, and links to the full source material.

End of Life Machine: Robots Assist The Dying

Honestly, I think this is really interesting. I candy-striped in high school and there were geriatric patients who hadn't had visitors for 100, 200, 300+ days. Same with folks in the Alzheimer's unit.

People fear what they don't understand and they abuse technology. But, in the end I think there are use cases where robotics could add a lot of value to people's sense of connection to others and to themselves.


Best Practices: Developing a practice

 
Jerry Fisk, one of the premier bladesmiths in America, in his studio In Arkansas. Image credit: Tadd Myers

Jerry Fisk, one of the premier bladesmiths in America, in his studio In Arkansas. Image credit: Tadd Myers

 

In a conversation about his learning process, bladesmith Jerry Fisk instills the value of education and the value of being generous with his knowledge. Coupled with this is an ability to develop a practice. Designated an Arkansas Living Treasure and a National Living Treasure, Jerry turns out Damascus steel knives that sell for tens of thousands of dollars to collectors all over the globe.

Having started with no knowledge of forging and smithing, Jerry understands the frustrations of the beginner. Even with his depth of skill he is never satisfied with his knowledge, regularly challenging himself by taking stock of what he’s learned by questioning himself:

  • What new thing did I try I try today?

  • What risk did I take?

  • Did I remain in integrity with my Craft?

  • How can I improve?

  • How can I amplify my knowledge and share what I know?

As he put it,

“I will tell anybody anything about making knives because what I tell you now will be old to me in a year.”

Jerry views carrying knowledge forward and sharing it as a responsibility. He doesn’t charge a penny, believing in the value and meaning associated with helping others.

The transfer of knowledge from master to apprentice is a key component of effective learning.

John Billings, a mold maker and fine artist, John makes the Grammy awards. He’s known as the Grammy Man. He apprenticed for seven years to Bob Graves, master mold maker who made molds for metal figures for trophy companies at the time, and also made the molds for the first Grammy in 1958.

Dying of complications from diabetes and cancer, Bob he felt a strong need to pass on his trade.  

Every night John would stop by the hospital and they would get to work in their minds. Engaging in deliberate practice, they would discuss mold making with their eyes closed, practicing how Bob would teach John molds he had yet to make, as if he were blind. Even after seven years of working together they hadn’t covered all the bases of mold making John looks at the end design for molds he makes now for about a week, envisioning how the metal will be poured and shaped—every detail about the construction. The practice of detailed, deliberate visioning he learned with Bob guides John through his planning and execution, ultimately saving him a lot of trial and error. 

 
John Billings, mold maker of the only award still made in America, in his studio In Colorado. Image credit: Tadd Myers

John Billings, mold maker of the only award still made in America, in his studio In Colorado. Image credit: Tadd Myers

 

John reflects,

“It was a heavy responsibility. Just before he died I think he could relax, understand, and know that I was going to be carrying on his work. I can’t describe the honor it is to carry his tradition forward.”

Two powerful examples illustrating the duty people who live and work with Craft feel about sharing what they know. While you may not find yourself in dire life-or-death scenarios, there are times when you are under great pressure to perform, be effective, or provide a solution to a problem you haven’t seen before.

You can begin your day by preparing your mind. Think through what it is you want to learn for the day, what is likely to come up to disrupt that, and how you may respond.

You can end your day by reflecting and analyzing how you held to your goal, how you managed yourself in adversity, and the choices you made—so that tomorrow you can be more patient, more effective, freer from fear, and more content with your work.

The result of these tiny actions has a cumulative effect, making you stronger and more resilient. 

Ari Weinzeig’s prolific writing on visioning and leadership is an embodiment of this approach. Ari and his business partner tend to Zingerman’s Community of Businesses where he teaches his version of management to employees and workshop attendees from around the world.

 
Paul Saginaw and Ari Weinzweig, cofounders of Zingerman’s Community of Businesses. Image credit: NYTimes

Paul Saginaw and Ari Weinzweig, cofounders of Zingerman’s Community of Businesses. Image credit: NYTimes

 

Early in the morning or late in the evening—or when he can find a quiet moment—he makes time to write. He writes first for himself, not for anyone else, to process what he learns. This is partly why his work is so accessible—as he digests new ideas, he tries to understand them for himself and apply them in his own context. His practice isn’t for others, it’s for himself. He shares anecdotes about experiences he’s had in leadership (good and bad), thoughts he caught himself having or opportunities to improve and be better. He’s also practicing in real time—writing down little bits of wisdom from greats like Peter Drucker, John Dewey, Donald Schön, Dan Siegel, Daniel Goleman, Daniel Pink as well as the dishwasher, sandwich makers, and staff of his organizations that resonate with him.

An ability for critical self-evaluation is critical for personal and professional development. By revisiting the events of the day, asking yourself basic questions like:

  • What went well?

  • Where did things start to go off the rails?

  • What work remains unfinished?

You might not think of yourself as someone who journals. Maybe you’ve started and never found a way to keep it up. And, anyone can start.

Start to keep your own journal, whether it’s saved on a computer, your phone, or in a little notebook so that you can put every day up for review.

Journaling is a way to call yourself to the present, to recall the past, in order to more effectively manage the future. Recall events from the day or previous day. Be unflinching in your assessments. Ask yourself tough questions. Notice what contributed to your happiness and what detracted from it. Write down what you’d like to work on or like to see more off. It won’t magically happen—but by making the effort to record your thinking, you’re less likely to forget them.

There are many benefits to journaling, or even light note taking. First, you’re creating written “data” of your progress. Over time, you can start to look back on your efforts and take note of your progression. Second, journaling helps with sleep as it helps you purge anxious thoughts or unfinished business that can cause your mind to spin up when it should be winding down. Journaling helps you lay to rest those last thoughts of the day, allowing it to close in reflection rather than avoidance. And last, it can give us a very literal understanding of something we may already intellectually know—that our first thoughts are never our fault.

The thoughts racing through our minds are part of our wiring and ways of coping. However, our judgments, impulses, will, and choice are all within our control. Just because these things are within your control doesn't mean they aren't influenced by external factors: other people's opinions of you, physical sensations, etc. But ultimately, they are under your control because you can make a conscious choice to ignore your impulses or override the opinions of others.

There are things not in your control: how your body reacts, your property could get damaged or stolen, your reputation is in the hands of others, and anything that is not your own doing (basically all things external to your mind). There's an argument that these things are under your partial control, and that's true, but I'm trying to land a point.

 

 

 DEVELOPING A PRACTICE for regular self-evaluation

Start broadly.

  • What went well?

  • Where did things start to go off the rails?

  • What work remains unfinished?

Your practice may start and stop there. And that is ok.

 

 

Or, you can narrow in.

Consider an event and write about it. It can be anything from seeing someone at lunch to a major meeting. Choose something that isn't too emotionally jarring. List the aspects of it that were completely in your control and which weren't. This might yield some initial insights on what is or is not in your control.

Here is an example:

 

Met with my boss today to discuss the latest customer escalation close rates. I was a little nervous going in since I'm not quite hitting my mark. We sat down and discussed what action steps I could take to get back on track by the end of the month. A lot of the suggestions were helpful.

 

IN MY CONTROL

The intent to show up on time to the meeting

Valuing my boss's opinion of me and my work

The wish to reduce my close rates and turnaround times

The desire to get actionable advice from my boss (if it'd help meet most of my goals)

Conscious nervous thoughts/what I tell myself

OUT OF MY CONTROL

Actually showing up on time (another meeting might have run late)

My boss's opinion of me

Meeting my close targets (I can't force the engineering team to implement ALL my fixes!)

Actually getting useful tips

Automatic nervous thoughts and physical feelings of anxiety

You may notice the side of control is filled more with results and the out of control side has more desires, wants, wishes, etc. Both of the last points in both categories are automatic thoughts/sensations more or less--not everything in our bodies and minds are willed.

You don't choose for your heart to race or hands to sweat, they just do. You don't decide to dwell in worst case scenarios. It’s just a reflex. But once you notice them, you can choose (consciously) where to direct your thoughts, in spite of those automatic responses.

Your turn.


For ideas on how to start, check out posts on developing a Morning Practice, Evening Practice, and what it means to Maintain Tension.

Peopling 101: Understanding Interpersonal Skills

The skills we use to interact with others are skills that lay the foundation for successful interactions, rich relationships, and meaningful results. They are also integral tools for effective leadership.

Unfortunately, many people graduate school and go through several initial jobs before they learn they lack basic communication, team-building, and conflict resolution skills.

For too long these skills have been referred to as “emotional intelligence” or “soft skills.” Though some K-10 programs now integrate Emotional Intelligence skills into their schools, most business school and graduate programs assume competency of these skills as part of the application process.

People who want to advance their careers eventually come to the conclusion that they need to take time to assess their social skills to foster the climate conducive for learning and leading.

 

 

HOW INTERPERSONAL SKILLS ARE RELATED

Interpersonal skills are the tools that enable people to communicate, learn, ask for help, get needs met in appropriate ways, get along with others, make friends, develop healthy relationships, protect themselves, and in general, be able to interact with the society harmoniously. As such they form a foundation for every interaction we have.

Basic interactions include behaviors like making eye contact, using names, and sharing information. Can you think back to a group you worked in that had all these basic qualities, and some that perhaps did not? These behaviors seem small and inconsequential but can have a big impact on the bottom line. When we don’t maintain eye contact, we get left out of impromptu gatherings and conversations where information is shared. When we don’t use direct address and speak only for ourselves, not for others, we learn to take a stand, become trustworthy, and authentic. Following directions and working in groups speaks to our effectiveness. Sharing information is what keeps the wheels turning in groups. When we hoard information and it only benefits our own advancement, it holds the rest of the group back. This can directly impact safety, quality, revenue, and time.

Figure 1: People Skills

Figure 1: People Skills

Once people feel comfortable operating in and out of groups, it’s time to look at communication skills by practicing or looking for specific behaviors, such as the table below. Sit in any meeting, and you’ll more clearly identify the attributes of the negative behavior. It’s always easier to spot in others, isn’t it?

 

 

NON LISTENING BEHAVIORS

Sounds like….

  • tapping a foot or pencil

  • Saying “uh huh” a lot

  • Saying “really”

  • Sighing

  • Asking non sequitur questions, “What’s for lunch?” “Are you going to the game?”

Looks like…

  • Darting eyes

  • Fidgeting with a gadget

  • Playing with hair or clothing

  • Rummaging through paperwork

  • Looking down

  • Turning away

  • Not facing the speaker

  • Looking at the clock

Once people gain awareness of the things they say and do that may exhibit non listening skills, they are ready to create Chart of Active Listening Characteristics. By writing what the skill looks like and sounds like, the abstract skill of "listening" becomes more concrete and measurable.

ACTIVE LISTENING

Sounds like…

  • “Say that one more time.”

  • “I know what you mean.”

  • “Tell me more.”

  • “So what you’re saying is…”

  • “That’s a good idea…”

Looks like…

  • Nodding

  • Making eye contact

  • Positive body language

  • Smiling

  • Generally calm, relaxed body language

 

 

We can laugh and say we should have learned these behaviors in kindergarten—and the thing is, we did! But when faced with a potential result like test scores or managing the bottom line, we forget that how we get there matters.

If we are going to advance in our careers, we are going to need to better assess our own and others’ social skills. Too often we are stumped for language when asked to give feedback on themselves or our peers. We need to translate the skills to checklists that we can use to self-evaluate our own progress. Sometimes just the awareness of the these skills helps focus our attention. We understand these ideas intellectually, just too often lose them in practice.

It is important to integrate the practice of observing, embodying, and practicing these skills in our day to day. We can justify reflection time to monitor these skills because we need to know the parameters and the expectations of high-performing behavior—whatever level we serve.


For ideas on how to develop a practice for reflection, check out posts on Developing a Practice, Morning Practice, Evening Practice, and what it means to Maintain Tension.