For whatever reason, there are people in our lives that we experience as difficult, don’t respect, or that chafe us in some way. To remain effective in our work, these are the individuals who teach us humility, patience, empathy, and compassion.
Read MorePeopling 101: Understanding Interpersonal Skills
The skills we use to interact with others are skills that lay the foundation for successful interactions, rich relationships, and meaningful results. They are also integral tools for effective leadership.
Unfortunately, many people graduate school and go through several initial jobs before they learn they lack basic communication, team-building, and conflict resolution skills.
For too long these skills have been referred to as “emotional intelligence” or “soft skills.” Though some K-10 programs now integrate Emotional Intelligence skills into their schools, most business school and graduate programs assume competency of these skills as part of the application process.
People who want to advance their careers eventually come to the conclusion that they need to take time to assess their social skills to foster the climate conducive for learning and leading.
HOW INTERPERSONAL SKILLS ARE RELATED
Interpersonal skills are the tools that enable people to communicate, learn, ask for help, get needs met in appropriate ways, get along with others, make friends, develop healthy relationships, protect themselves, and in general, be able to interact with the society harmoniously. As such they form a foundation for every interaction we have.
Basic interactions include behaviors like making eye contact, using names, and sharing information. Can you think back to a group you worked in that had all these basic qualities, and some that perhaps did not? These behaviors seem small and inconsequential but can have a big impact on the bottom line. When we don’t maintain eye contact, we get left out of impromptu gatherings and conversations where information is shared. When we don’t use direct address and speak only for ourselves, not for others, we learn to take a stand, become trustworthy, and authentic. Following directions and working in groups speaks to our effectiveness. Sharing information is what keeps the wheels turning in groups. When we hoard information and it only benefits our own advancement, it holds the rest of the group back. This can directly impact safety, quality, revenue, and time.
Figure 1: People Skills
Once people feel comfortable operating in and out of groups, it’s time to look at communication skills by practicing or looking for specific behaviors, such as the table below. Sit in any meeting, and you’ll more clearly identify the attributes of the negative behavior. It’s always easier to spot in others, isn’t it?
NON LISTENING BEHAVIORS
Sounds like….
tapping a foot or pencil
Saying “uh huh” a lot
Saying “really”
Sighing
Asking non sequitur questions, “What’s for lunch?” “Are you going to the game?”
Looks like…
Darting eyes
Fidgeting with a gadget
Playing with hair or clothing
Rummaging through paperwork
Looking down
Turning away
Not facing the speaker
Looking at the clock
Once people gain awareness of the things they say and do that may exhibit non listening skills, they are ready to create Chart of Active Listening Characteristics. By writing what the skill looks like and sounds like, the abstract skill of "listening" becomes more concrete and measurable.
ACTIVE LISTENING
Sounds like…
“Say that one more time.”
“I know what you mean.”
“Tell me more.”
“So what you’re saying is…”
“That’s a good idea…”
Looks like…
Nodding
Making eye contact
Positive body language
Smiling
Generally calm, relaxed body language
We can laugh and say we should have learned these behaviors in kindergarten—and the thing is, we did! But when faced with a potential result like test scores or managing the bottom line, we forget that how we get there matters.
If we are going to advance in our careers, we are going to need to better assess our own and others’ social skills. Too often we are stumped for language when asked to give feedback on themselves or our peers. We need to translate the skills to checklists that we can use to self-evaluate our own progress. Sometimes just the awareness of the these skills helps focus our attention. We understand these ideas intellectually, just too often lose them in practice.
It is important to integrate the practice of observing, embodying, and practicing these skills in our day to day. We can justify reflection time to monitor these skills because we need to know the parameters and the expectations of high-performing behavior—whatever level we serve.
For ideas on how to develop a practice for reflection, check out posts on Developing a Practice, Morning Practice, Evening Practice, and what it means to Maintain Tension.
Driving Results With Others: Check Your Filters
Filters that cloud our ability to drive results with others have to do with how we interpret the: truth of the content we receive, quality of our relationship with the feedback giver, and impact of the feedback to our identities.
Read MoreDriving Dedication During Change: Prove You're Dedicated to People
People won’t bust their tails for just anybody. They have their reasons—good ones--when they dedicate themselves to their work. Usually the relationship has a lot to do with it.
Dedication rarely comes without reciprocity--or some mutual benefit. You have to be invested in people if you want them to invest in their work.
That’s not always as easy as it sounds. For example, in today’s world of rapid change, you can’t promise job security. You can’t protect everyone from anxiety and job stress. You can’t keep from having to make hard moves that may derail or even harm their careers. Sometimes you have to do things at the expense of the individual for the good of the organization.
Still, you can be fiercely dedicated to helping people succeed in the jobs they face. You can commit yourself to support them and provide the resources they need. You can invest in their training, education, and overall employability. You can encourage them, believe in them, and back them up in their work.
Beyond that, you can dedicate yourself to honesty, to always being trustworthy and above board in your dealings with them. Unless they have experienced you as a colleague or manager in the past, their dedication will come cautiously if at all. Make it clear that they can count on you to do what’s possible on their behalf.
It always comes down to this: You’ve got to be caring and dedicated toward people for them to be caring and dedicated to their work. We play how we are coached.
The trust level typically drops during change. People grow wary. More self-protective. They interrupt unpopular events as solid evidence that the organization lacks commitment to employees.
And right or wrong, perceptions run the show.
This means you must provide generous proof to the contrary. Leave no doubt about your dedication to your people.
Commitment usually travels on a two-way street.
To perform well while under pressure, we need to develop habits to work more effectively. Making the right decisions, engaging with others effectively, learning to manage our own emotions takes practice.
Driving Dedication During Change: A pocket guide for becoming an effective linchpin enables you with all the tools and tactics you need to make your interactions less stressful and more effective.
Driving Dedication During Change: Match People With Work They Love
IMAGE CREDIT: Ian Schneider
Dedication comes naturally when our work is compelling. If people like what they are doing, they are more in tune with their tools and good at finding problems before they arise. They get absorbed by the day's challenges and time flies. When people like their work, they find focus. You don't need to turn up the heat; their internal fire is self-igniting.
Being compelled by our work means there's a good match between skills and interest. Therefore, the casting of employees is significant to a mission's success. Who goes where and who does what can make a world of difference in how your people apply themselves.
If you can position people so they get to spend their days doing what they love, you ensure dedication. They'll voluntarily put in extra time, and throw their hearts into the job as well.
Dedication feeds on work that's engaging. When we are compelled by our work, it captures the imagination toward creative solutions. Engaging work also provides energy rather than takes it away. This energy reserve is what perpetuates when the hours are long and significant challenges. There's another important benefit: people who consumed with their work invest more fully in the organization. The organization's mission becomes their mission. They give time. They give themselves--both heart and soul.
With more of themselves involved in their work, people will be more likely to protect that investment of time, knowledge, and expertise as it pertains to furthering the mission. They also need to share t it, widely. Logic dictates that we look out for our own best interests. When we care about our work we have a personal stake in the organization, and are more committed to the success of its mission.
People lose a degree of control over their work lives during change. Organizations get reshaped, resulting in some forced assignments and arbitrary placements of employees
Careers get compromised. Some folks settle for the jobs that are available, forsaking the sort of work they really want.
The payoff is that they get to stay employed. The problem is they feel no passion whatsoever.
More careful casting of people protects commitment. Give them assignments that stir their hearts, and they’ll work harder because they want to.
The workload always weighs less when you’ve got a job you love.
To perform well while under pressure, we need to develop habits to work more effectively. Making the right decisions, engaging with others effectively, learning to manage our own emotions takes practice.
Driving Dedication During Change: A pocket guide for becoming an effective linchpin enables you with all the tools and tactics you need to make your interactions less stressful and more effective.
Driving Dedication During Change: Outlaw Apathy
IMAGE CREDIT: Aneta Pawlik
People live into our bias of them. Meaning, people have a peculiar way of confirming our beliefs about what they can and cannot do. Somehow our expectations become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You can use this unique psychology to your group's advantage and create high commitment--by giving people reputations to live up to instead of reputations to run from.
Begin by making it clear that dedication is a top priority trait expected from everyone. Using this lens immediately starts to shape the reality you live and the talent you seek.
Make sure you communicate a clear mission for the group, and everyone a clear goal in helping to achieve that mission. Be specific in explaining what dedication means in this group, what standards you want them to adhere to, and the expectations you have of them. Operational definitions for common understanding are essential to effective, constructive communication. There should be no confusion regarding what dedication looks like in the context of a particular group or organization toward its mission. People need to know precisely what you mean to perform.
Once you've achieved clarity with the mission and goals, show that your expectations are firm. Be intolerant of apathy. Weed out the uncommitted by creating consequences mediocre performance. Save the rewards for those who try the hardest, contribute the most, and continually go the extra mile. Everyone in the group should benefit in direct proportion to their efforts and to the results they produce.
Follow through on the clarity of the mission, relevancy of goals to the mission, and clear expectations make dedication count for something. All of a sudden, behavior starts to matter. Attitude starts to change. Individual performance begins to make a real dent in progress toward tangible results and momentum with the mission.
This approach might seem a little hardnosed. Looking at how change (reassignments, reorganizations, new leadership, etc.) has affected people, and you might start to feel apologetic. Maybe you put these decisions into action; maybe you didn't. Maybe you think the situation is unfair. Maybe you think you aren't justified in asking for high dedication among those you work with.
Just remember—anyone who passively tolerates mediocre work is as much involved in it as they who help to perpetuate it. Those who accept mediocre work without protest or speaking up against it is really cooperating with it. Benign neglect is not an act of kindness.
It could be that under these conditions you consider commitment to be a hopeless case.
Act otherwise.
Too much respect for problems can kill our faith in possibilities. There has to be balance between analysis and action.
To perform well while under pressure, we need to develop habits to work more effectively. Making the right decisions, engaging with others effectively, learning to manage our own emotions takes practice.
Driving Dedication During Change: A pocket guide for becoming an effective linchpin enables you with all the tools and tactics you need to make your interactions less stressful and more effective.
Driving Dedication During Change: Give People A Stake In The Outcome
IMAGE CREDIT: gustavo Campos
People invest more into their work for a lot of reasons. First, their work has to be satisfying in some way (to them). Second, the incentives to do their job and do it well need to be fair--they need to get something out of the deal. Let people share in the outcomes, and see how their enthusiasm, interest, and dedication change.
We are most passionate about results when something is as stake. When we are personally invested in a our own or someone else's success, it's because we have something to lose or gain in the process. We will try harder to influence the results. Things at stake might be our pride, ability to learn, or our rank. So how do you make the results matter to everyone? Why should people's work matter to them? Why should we not allow ourselves to get by with doing just the minimum?
Help others make a meaningful connection between effort and rewards. They'll see little logic in trying harder unless they believe more energy is likely to bring them better returns. If you want more dedication from those around you, you should make sure they have a genuine vested interest in the results.
Maybe there's money that should be shared. Bonuses, profit-sharing, or communal tips. Compensation time or paid days off or some other kind of financial incentive. For sure, there are intangibles—psychological paychecks—deserved across the group. Give people their fair share of the recognition they earned. Determine the incentives most relevant to your team or organization. You can't expect to run a marathon on crumbs.
Figure out how to share the action across the group. Sharing implies ownership. Ownership is a core aspect of dedication.
Let’s deal with employees’ hot question: “What’s in it for me?
They can see that change carries quite a price tag. What’s harder for them to find are good reasons for giving it their best shot.
Their question is legitimate. You can’t afford to ignore it, and the logic in your answer must be solid.
People don’t put out extra effort unless there is some kind of special payback.
To perform well while under pressure, we need to develop habits to work more effectively. Making the right decisions, engaging with others effectively, learning to manage our own emotions takes practice.
Driving Dedication During Change: A pocket guide for becoming an effective linchpin enables you with all the tools and tactics you need to make your interactions less stressful and more effective.
Driving Dedication During Change: Invest in Rapport
IMAGE CREDIT: Priscilla Du Preez
Cohesiveness—the “we” spirit within the group—can wield heavy influence on commitment. The stronger the ties between the people, the more those personal bonds serve as a motor powering individual effort.
Sometimes this sense of family, community, or “teamness” comes about naturally over time as people work together during the regular workday. But sharing experiences outside of the daily routine often accelerates the process. Getting together after hours—for fun, maybe even for work—allows a unique and most valuable connective tissue to develop across the group.
Some people aren’t drawn to this sort of thing, of course, particularly if they’re already putting in long hours. So don’t force it. You can’t make camaraderie a job requirement. What you can do is encourage it and create a conducive environment that helps it to happen spontaneously.
Bonding that occurs beyond the boundaries of the job creates richer relationships. The relaxed atmosphere makes it easier for people to get to know one another on a personal basis. The feelings of unity take on more depth.
The payoff? Tightly knit groups make members want to try harder. We’re more committed to those we care for. We’ll pitch in to help them out. We’ll go further out of our way to make sure we measure up in their eyes. Call it peer pressure, group pride, or inspiration that comes from knowing your associates are cheering for you. Label it however you want, the force if formidable enough to drive personal commitment through the roof. You’ll see people push themselves to their absolute limits rather than let down their colleagues.
That cohesiveness is worth something. You can’t buy that kind of behavior. It’s born of feelings deep inside the human being, stirrings that develop out of purely personal ties. It’s commitment with a capital C.
Devotion to the job drops when working relationships get disturbed.
Personnel shakeups cause people to pull back psychologically. The social ties that connect employees carry a weaker emotional current, particularly if people end up working with others they hard know.
You should take time—make time—to rebuild relationships.
Commitment runs at a far higher voltage when people know and care for their coworkers.
To perform well while under pressure, we need to develop habits to work more effectively. Making the right decisions, engaging with others effectively, learning to manage our own emotions takes practice.
Driving Dedication During Change: A pocket guide for becoming an effective linchpin enables you with all the tools and tactics you need to make your interactions less stressful and more effective.
Driving Dedication During Change: Membership Matters
IMAGE CREDIT: June O
We are members in a lot of different ways--families, companies, gyms, softball teams, circles of friends, hobby clubs, unions, charitable organizations, and local religious congregations. Membership in social groups can boost our sense of identity because people take pride in and derive meaning from group memberships that are important to them.
There are some groups with a high barrier to entry. Where the harder we have to fight for something, the more precious it becomes. Somehow, in sacrificing, we prove to ourselves that what we're after is valuable. For example, golf clubs create a high barrier to entry by requiring high annual dues. Navy seal training creates a high barrier to entry by requiring mental and physical toughness.
Sacrifice is linked to membership. Making it through rigorous selection standards and working to prove their worthiness, people convince themselves that being a part of the group matters.
Some organizations abuse these ideas, dangling carrots off a long stick with no intention of making good on promises. They create a set of initiation rites building commitment to the group by making acceptance hard to come by--continually frustrating the process through underhanded practices.
When joining a group, the criterion should be clear. Joining any group can be something special--an achievement and a privilege--if the people entering and the people managing it don't lose themselves in the process.
Belonging (in any group) is when you feel safe and valued for embracing what makes you unique. It's natural to experience self-doubt at work. Converting that energy into further worry leaves people feeling more alienated and alone. Turning that worry into constructive work brings us back into feeling included. With effective membership, it’s incredibly important for people to be inspired by one another, to look one another in the eye and see goodness rather than merely an obstacle to our own agenda.
Initiating people into groups comes down to welcoming, mentoring, and sustaining progress toward challenging goals—always. It takes effort, energy and mental discipline. Moving from "me-ness" to "we-ness" comes from having shared everyday struggles, requiring us to be vulnerable with one another. This identification with the group feeds dedication.
Having a sense of belonging doesn't mean work will be easy—it means the normal ups and downs of your job won't cause you quite so much stress. Encourage people to share their experiences (good and bad) to help everyone realize that emotional ups and downs are part of the job and that you can go through painful periods but still belong.
People get shuffled. Repositioned. Assigned to different bosses and new work groups.
Many employees end up in jobs they didn’t apply for, and don’t really know that they want. Unsure about whether they even care to be part of the new scheme of things, they keep their dedication on hold
Force the issue.
Be welcoming, mentor everyone, and sustain progress, and dedication comes naturally.
To perform well while under pressure, we need to develop habits to work more effectively. Making the right decisions, engaging with others effectively, learning to manage our own emotions takes practice.
Driving Dedication During Change: A pocket guide for becoming an effective linchpin enables you with all the tools and tactics you need to make your interactions less stressful and more effective.
Driving Dedication During Change: Connect Through a Relevant Mission
Depending on the level of resilience in the organization and the individual, change can leave people shaken, with a wounded sense of self-worth. Reinforce your efforts by providing reasonable goals. Let these accomplishments restore their faith in themselves. Keep people from just going through the motions. Employees who don’t believe in themselves or in what they are doing deliver little of their potential and hold back the team.
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